Downstream! Upstream! The river Seine, Paris

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord decided to make the most of the warmthand the sunshine and catch some rays.  What better way to top up His tan than whilst cruising down the famed river Seine?

He eyes up potential holiday homes.


Ahhhhh… Like a tourist at the architecture.

He decided to treat Himself to a little ride.

He fell in love with the French beauty that pulled the carriage.  And made good friends with Pom Pom the horse with size 8 feet (up from the average 3).  Well hung.

Special treatment is the norm.  Pretty French man let His Holiness crack his whip!

Rock sur,

Wheeze & SQueak 


Phallic Paris!

Dear Jesus Lover,

now that the Lord has gotten the mundane part of the trip out of the way He is free to see the sights!  First stop is the famed Eiffel Tower!

He sat on the grass to enjoy the view and a nice ham sandwich.  Loving the many phallic shapes in Paris!

Up!!  He went all the way!

And fell in love with the view.  So high up he practically had a upskirt view of Michael.  I spy with my little eye….

Arial view of manicured gardens.  Always love well manicured hedges!

For all you Down Under!

Tomorrow He takes in the sights on a river cruise and might even treat himself to a ride in a horse-drawn carriage.

Rock sur,

Wheeze & SQueak 

Église Saint-Sulpice

Dear Jesus Lover,

the Lord was suitably impressed with yesterday’s visit to the oldest church in Paris.  Today He has decided to see if all the publicity from Angels and Demons has made any difference to Église Saint-Sulpice.  They were under strict orders to sell as many candles to the terrified as possible and he wants to see if they have met the quota.

Candles!  That’s €2 burning right there!

Love how they even have a photo of Joseph (that’s Pope Benedict XVI to you).

Checking out the confession facilities.  10 Hail Marys and last night’s visit to that establishment is forgiven.

He found the root of the problem.  It was clear early Catholic priests favoured boys too much, so much so they carved it into marble and passed that love on.  He studied the composition, the pervy gaze, baby on lap and pulling up other child’s skirt.  He lit a candle for their innocence and vowed to review the priest syllabus – perhaps more emphasis on discretion and bribery.

A must before He left!

Now with business all taken care of His Holiness can truly enjoy the sights, sounds, food and people of Paris!

Rock Sur,

Wheeze & SQueak 

Eglise St-Germain-des-Prés, Paris

Dear Jesus Lover,

since His Holiness is billing the Vatican for His expenses He chose to get the business part of the trip done and over with.  He spent the day in Paris’ oldest church, Paroissee Saint-Germain-des-Prés.

His flock has to be reminded of His high tolerance for pain.  Loved the dramatic set up.

Equal opportunities for all. Both sexes can love Him and He loves both sexes.  It’s a two-way street.

He loves animals too.

 He loved the violence.  Nothing better than a prepubescent priest wielding a cross stomping on a severed head on the Lord’s book to send the right message.  He will smite you wet blankets!!! Also give generously.

The Lord is off to visit Saint Sulpice tomorrow and  see what all the movie hype was about.

Rock sur,

Wheeze & SQueak 

Breakfast at Ladurée!

Dear Jesus Lover,

the famed establishment Ladurée to indulge in breakfast.

Needless to say they gave Him the best seat in the house.

The hot chocolate was sooo sinful.  Must have been Satan’s work.

Doing the tourist pose near a window.  Positively beaming!


They made an exception to the no photos rule for the Lord!

His Holiness was extremely impressed with the high standards of service and the devilishly delicious breakfast.  He will be back to polish off the macaroon tower.

Rock sur,

Wheeze & SQueak 

C’est là que la magie opère!!

Dear Jesus Lover,

His Holiness’ savings on airfare has allowed Him to splash out on accommodation for Him and His entourage.  Here’s the very private glimpse into His living quarters whilst in Paris.  Now this is where the magic happens!

Luxury accommodation fit for the King of all Kings right in the heart of Saint Germain.

Also conveniently located near one of His branches.  It’s good to mix work and pleasure!

He loved His little smoking spot.  When in France, chain smoke like the French!

Even the minions got a nice view.  Single beds and a shared room meant they were unlikely to get any pleasure out of business.

This is where the magic happens!

This is also where the magic happens.  His Holiness also loved the subtle reference to “you are in the shitter”.*

 He got all excited!

The city of eternal light!

He was so excited he bought a new camera.  Strictly business and claimable.  To photograph the progress of His franchises.

It was all a bit too much to take.  He had to lie back admire his handiwork and think of the adventures to come!

Rock sur,

Wheeze & SQueak 

* French for you are here


Dear Jesus Lover,

the Messiah is on the way to the land of opulence, where the food is sinful, the people are fashion forward and everything has the Midas touch!

Excited about leaving for greener pastures!

Fasten your seatbelt for unlike Him you cannot resurrect.

He didn’t want to waste collection basket funds on a quick flight, He also decided that it would be best to travel with the common folk on Easyjet.

Bonjour Bienvenue à Paris!

Passport control were wet blankets and did not let us photograph the Messiah.  He refused to bless their little glass cubicles and remove the threat of terrorists.

Rock sur,

Wheeze & SQueak