Stairway to Heaven

Dear Jesus Lover,

Monday is upon us again.  He is dragging his feet all the way to the Office.  Sometimes even the Boss has to look like He is mucking in with the rest.  But He draws the line at photocopying for that is a task for His secretarial bitches.

He embraces technology on the commute to work.  No rush hour traffic.  Ever.

Jesus and his administrative army of white fluff.  The team behind all your answered and unanswered prayers.

Work hard, delegate wherever possible, never accept blame, do overtime so you may be paid to go on Facebook after hours and enthusiastically lick superior ass so one day you too might have your own office and an army of administrative bitches.

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak

Tending To Your Flock

Dear Jesus Lover,

Monday has come around again.  The Messiah hopes you have enjoyed your weekend.  He certainly had a good time (thanks Otter).  However, you must not neglect your calling.  His Holiness did not and decided to visit the common people, preaching his word.  He starts off the afternoon indulging with one of his disciples over an over-priced lunch.

Ready to rock on!

He then went door to door preaching his good work.  (We didn’t mention self praise is no praise)

I will lead this lamb to the slaughter

Jesus gets in all the good gigs. (Buddies with the door bitch)

He decided to go all the way and catch public transport just like a commoner.  (He did not appreciate the wet bench or lack of shade)

Or lack of a bus and civilisation

Jesus had a revelation; the ones on death’s door are best – they offer cookies and milk.

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak

Life Lesson No.2: Be Thankful

Dear Jesus Lovers,

Monday is upon you like a weekly plague.  Know that this suffering is only temporary, until 5pm or earlier if you have been blessed with a saintly employer.  Leave promptly for corporations are the work of Satan and will drain you of all wit and happiness.  Go to the Swedish institution, IKEA and give into temptation.  Buy all manner of impossibly cheap household wares and feast on meatballs.  Be thankful you do not work in one of their sweatshops and feel infinately better.  He has blessed you with 9 to 5, beer and cheap household wares.


Even Jesus loves a co-ordinated bargain.


Visit the restaurant where your meal is also self-service, of poor quality but too good to resist. 


Feast on 50% synthethic meatballs.


He is the Light.


Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak