Crushing Some Balls!

Dear Jesus Lover,

with some of the most iconic Milanese sights under his belt The Lord felt that it was about time he hit the shops. After all, the Milanese are renowned for their style.

A little morning cappuccino and brioche to start the day at an overpriced cafe!

“Per favoure, due cappuccino”

 First stop, Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II. Where the flagship Prada resides.  He knows that the Parisians are still his best children, even this octagonal shaped building made of cast iron got its inspiration from the Eiffel Tower.

It is not just the devil who wears Prada.

The Lord made his descent into the basement of Prada decadence!

Stomping on bull’s balls three times for good luck.

The Milanese must not like the Turin. Any excuse to defile their emblem!

He then headed to the Golden Triangle, overflowing with luxury, wannabes and models.

Next stop, Sergio Rossi!

Last stop on The Messiah’s itinerary – Teatro alla Scala. The best Opera theatre in the world. One of the only ones built out of timbre for the best acoustics!

No performances during off season – everyone needs maintenance.

Tested out the acoustics from his box seat. He will not be quitting his day job as The Saviour.

Conspicuous consumption!

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak


Pinacoteca for me…

Dear Jesus Lover,

continuing on from the theme of soaking in the culture yesterday, Jesus is off to the Pinacoteca di Brera . A lovely art gallery that used to be an old convent. He knew that there was always better uses to convents than storing nuns.

Parking his bicycle.

Like all things Milanese, plain on the outside, fabulous on the inside! Follow the arrows!

Nothing new. Walking the convent corridors and  looking down on his children.

Although The Messiah again was not allowed to photographs his doings on the inside, no trip to a museum is complete without a visit to the gift shop.

Frivolous spending at the gift shop.

Jesus got postcards of his favourite paintings from the gallery. On the right another Last Supper by Rubens. Not quite as good as Da Vinci’s. No knot, no ripple effect and they may have broke the bread too early. On the left The Kiss by Francesco Hayez shows 2 lovers kissing with a shadow lurking on the left. Don’t you hate peeping Toms! Other works that took him down memory lane included the marriage of his mother and The Holy Conversation.

If you send an email with your name (real or one made with good fakery) and your mailing address  to the Little Messiah will send out one of these postcards to you. He loves buying useless crap for his children.

Afterwards he enjoyed a leisurely lunch at Obika. It may be a chain but it is no McDonalds!

This is how the last supper should have gone down.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Size Is Everything.

Dear Jesus Lover,

today The Messiah comes face to face with his fear of nails which now a relic in the Milan Duomo. One of the 4 largest cathedrals in the world.

Gothic, gone wild!

Light my fire. BLOW my candle!

“Somethings are best laid to rest, I am not one of them.”

Also facing his fear of nails, especially the one that secured him firmly to the cross.

“I am your religious 7-eleven!”

Sorry about the skin and head Bartholomew. What happens in the The Caspian Sea, stays at The Caspian Sea.

Circumcision without margins.

You know the feeling when you just keep cutting in hope to make it better, sometimes things don’t go according to plan. Back alley doctors are well familiar with this feeling.

Jesus will be lightening the mood next time with a visit to a happier place at Parco Sempione with SQueak and their matchy matchy red hats.

Rock On,

Wheeze and SQueak

Checked In.

Dear Jesus Lover,

upon reaching the train station, The Lord decided that he has had enough of rubbing shoulders with the common folk and took a taxi to his accommodation.

He chose a place close to work. The Milan cathedral is the forth largest cathedral in the world and he foresees repeat visits may in in order.

Living La Vida Moda!

“This robe is much better than the rags I have on, its even in my colour.”

Bidets are essential. Washing is policy. Not negotiable!

Just a humble breakfast tray.  Who said gluttony was a sin?

Today Jesus will be recovering from his jet lag and will be hitting the streets of Milano tomorrow, in the meantime he will be practicing his much needed SFA and enjoying an apertivito at the bar.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

I Am Milanese If You Please…

Dear Jesus Lover,

title adapted from one of the Messiah’s favourite Disney classics – Lady And The Tramp!!

After a 26hr flight with a transit in Abu Dhabi, The Messiah has finally reached Italy. He is glad to have his two feet firmly on the ground and to escape the potential threat of deep vein thrombosis from flying cattle class.

Following the designated signs.

Continuing with the theme of poor man travel – he took a train to Milan Central

Glad to see the arrival committee in place.

The Lord wanted this to be a low-key affair so he slipped past the greeting committee and made his way to the hotel. He preferred them to be celebrating Assumption Day* instead of tending to his every need, that is what his church mice are for.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

*Assumption Day: 15 August, the day of mother Mary’s passing and where she was brought up to heaven.