Holy Hispanico!

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord was suffering a little Gertrude Street withdrawal from his recent Melbourne visit. Therefore, he decided to take a stroll down Surry Hills Crown Street to help cushion his come down.

The cafe culture was not as good but he came across this interesting individual:

Such an avid Jesus Lover!

 This smiley gentleman even let him tap dance on the old cash register. Another fine example of when old is gold!

“Child, you have it wrong, I am supposed to brand you.”

 Jesus marvelled at the giant rubber stamp they used to brand their paper bags. Sometimes manual labour just adds that extra touch. He looked around at the offerings of the store of fair trade sourced merchandise. Ahh..the array of crosses, sugar skulls and portraits of one of his finer children Frida Kahlo on offer.

He left with a small purchase..

“SQueak – get the bag!”

Next time you are in the mood for some sugar skulls or some insane accessories don’t forget to check out Holy Kitsch where you will get service with a smile. Jesus gives this store his blessing!!

Rock On!

Wheeze & Squeak

Holy Kitsch: http://www.holykitsch.com.au/pages/stores-trading-hours

Melbourne Swag

Dear Jesus Lover,

we have saved the best of Melbourne for last.  The trendiness of the city makes it impossible to have just one absolute favourite place to spend His Vatican bonds.  Who better than the masters at Harry Wragg to show the good Lord how to mix vintage and new.  It also helps that they really do have the best A-grade shit in town!

Mim shared with His Holiness the delights of one of a kind shoe designs.

The Lord even managed to sneak a little fun in the changing rooms!  It was a case of “What happens in Melbourne, stays in Melbourne” for this Brit tourist!

Group photo with His churchmice and the newly acquired fashion investments.  Armed with these acquisitions, the trendy generation will have no choice but to take notice of the Saviour, even if it’s the outfit and not the preaching.  As the marketing gurus say, “Any attention is good attention!”.

The Lord was spent after that fashion flurry at Harry Wragg.  He learned a few lessons on how to up His swag.  This called for a trip to Koko Black!

It was just what the doctor ordered….

Since He had His fill of milk chocolate, He had the tart and got some dark chocolate for later.

 The Lord is pleased with His flock in Melbourne, they have excelled at the most important aspects of life; food, fashion and opulent surroundings.  He will be back with more Vatican bonds to check that they have made further progress.

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak

Get some swag at Harry Wragg.

Caramelise The World…

Dear Jesus Lover,

it’s that time of year for me to plan a partay!

Once a year you illuminate phallus shaped objects in my honour.

Mammary gland disguised as rotary device – nice one zumbo!

Tasting the party food amongst his villagers.

Kawaii animae GROs*!

Going in for the purchase, not just the average free – sample. Trying is for buying.

Roman catholics provide the best service. “Milo, please!”

Spares, cos Santa ALWAYS rapes the buffet.

Happy ending. Always.

Don’t forget this is the season for giving not just receiving. Be silly but safe.

God’s choice:

Adriano Zumbo Patissier: 80 Pyrmont Street, Pyrmont

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak


* GRO = guest relation officer.

 

Arrivederci Amalfi, Ti Amo!

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord is spending his last day on the Amalfi Coast. He is spending today, tying up loose ends and finishing his trip on a high. After some much needed rays and SFA (sweet fuck all) at the pebbled beach, he tottles off to the Cathedral of Amalfi.

No mountain too high, no hill to steep!

“Come follow me” – words that St. Andrew followed, look what he got for it.

…A pretty crypt on one of the best coast in the world (location, location, location). It pays to be a fisherman and follow strangers! Jesus will be heading back home after a long trip living la dolce vita and is glad to know that his houses are still raking in the dollars. He shared his life with you, the least you could do is share some dollars with him. Bible sales up!

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak 

Cruising To Capri

Dear Jesus Lover,

today The Lord is day tripping over to the luxury resort littered island of Capri. The Vatican budget did not include stays in the place where Beyonce and Jay-Z hang in the summer.

Working on his eurotrash tan.

Not quite La Paolino but He was on a tight budget and strict instructions to rub shoulders with the common middle class.

Another standard tourist shot at Faraglione.

Keeping with the budget theme – even for transportation.

On his last day, The Messiah will wind up his trip and tying up some loose ends.  He cannot wait to head home , he misses Wheeze who stayed away from the hot weather (she melts easily).

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

 

 

 

Ravelling In Ravello

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord apologises for his slight blogging hiatus. There has been a tragedy in his church mice colony and Wheeze & Squeak were given time off to cope with this.

 

Jesus is continuing his SFA at the Amalfi Coast. Today, Claudio took him to Ravello. He will be visiting the musical stage and 2 of the main villas there.

 

“Children – listen to me preach!”

The Lord loves Ravello, a favourite haunt for similar legends of biblical proportions for example the late Greta Garbo, Tennesse Williams and Sara Teasdale. The Ravello Festival when the musical geniuses gather, started in remembrance of  Richard Wagner, the tickets attract a heafty sum annually. The let The Messiah take stage despite being slightly tone deaf.

He then hopped skipped and jumped in Villa Rufolo and Villa Cimbrone where there horizon meets the sea.

Standard tourist shot – a must!

In the courtyard before walking on the Judas tree lined walkway. Trust Judas to want to steal the limelight!

The Lord really enjoyed his time in Ravello. He enjoys spending time with the musicians who love GREENERY as an inspiration for good music!

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak