Melbourne Swag

Dear Jesus Lover,

we have saved the best of Melbourne for last.  The trendiness of the city makes it impossible to have just one absolute favourite place to spend His Vatican bonds.  Who better than the masters at Harry Wragg to show the good Lord how to mix vintage and new.  It also helps that they really do have the best A-grade shit in town!

Mim shared with His Holiness the delights of one of a kind shoe designs.

The Lord even managed to sneak a little fun in the changing rooms!  It was a case of “What happens in Melbourne, stays in Melbourne” for this Brit tourist!

Group photo with His churchmice and the newly acquired fashion investments.  Armed with these acquisitions, the trendy generation will have no choice but to take notice of the Saviour, even if it’s the outfit and not the preaching.  As the marketing gurus say, “Any attention is good attention!”.

The Lord was spent after that fashion flurry at Harry Wragg.  He learned a few lessons on how to up His swag.  This called for a trip to Koko Black!

It was just what the doctor ordered….

Since He had His fill of milk chocolate, He had the tart and got some dark chocolate for later.

 The Lord is pleased with His flock in Melbourne, they have excelled at the most important aspects of life; food, fashion and opulent surroundings.  He will be back with more Vatican bonds to check that they have made further progress.

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak

Get some swag at Harry Wragg.

Caramelise The World…

Dear Jesus Lover,

it’s that time of year for me to plan a partay!

Once a year you illuminate phallus shaped objects in my honour.

Mammary gland disguised as rotary device – nice one zumbo!

Tasting the party food amongst his villagers.

Kawaii animae GROs*!

Going in for the purchase, not just the average free – sample. Trying is for buying.

Roman catholics provide the best service. “Milo, please!”

Spares, cos Santa ALWAYS rapes the buffet.

Happy ending. Always.

Don’t forget this is the season for giving not just receiving. Be silly but safe.

God’s choice:

Adriano Zumbo Patissier: 80 Pyrmont Street, Pyrmont

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak


* GRO = guest relation officer.

 

Cruising To Capri

Dear Jesus Lover,

today The Lord is day tripping over to the luxury resort littered island of Capri. The Vatican budget did not include stays in the place where Beyonce and Jay-Z hang in the summer.

Working on his eurotrash tan.

Not quite La Paolino but He was on a tight budget and strict instructions to rub shoulders with the common middle class.

Another standard tourist shot at Faraglione.

Keeping with the budget theme – even for transportation.

On his last day, The Messiah will wind up his trip and tying up some loose ends.  He cannot wait to head home , he misses Wheeze who stayed away from the hot weather (she melts easily).

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

 

 

 

Sweet Sistine Part Una.

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Little Messiah tottled off to the Musei Vaticani.

 

He may have cut the queue with his pre-booked ticket. But nothing in life is free – even a visit to his homes cost him.

A light lunch followed by a wipe down with raspberry wipes. Keeping it clean.

He was glad to find a mini version so he could plan his journey.

“Child – forget the artwork, I am here”

He then made it to the packed corridors.

Sometimes your job is hard but you must power along, after all Michelangelo did put in more effort than this to decorate His house.

Stay tuned as Jesus meanders his way through the Vatican!

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jesus’s Final Firenze

Alas, dear Jesus Lover,

today is the last day The Messiah will be touring Florence. He decided to start his morning re-visiting some of the city’s famous sculptures.

First stop:

Good fakery.

He then visited the Uffizi Museum, overflowing with precious works.

Our Saviour had quite a lot of ground to cover.

He found better modes of transportation.

And more exciting pursuits – gelato!

1.2kg of pure florentine MEAT.

“arrevedici Firenzi”

The Lord watches the sun set on his last night in Florence. Tomorrow, back to business, visiting Roma.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Strolling Florence

Dear Jesus Lover,

today Jesus will be on a light itinerary. Nothing too touristy just strolling the cobblestone streets. He enjoyed the bird’s eye view of the city

Yes, another Duomo to spoil the view.

Santa Maria Del Fiore. A world heritage site and perfect example of passing the buck.

Illuminati – not so secret society. Rather; an easy find.

Chomping on some gourmet panini.

Outside the panini shop, an olive tree, a reminder that the mafia still rules.

Remembering the fallen.

A memorial of when the mafia left a car bomb that killed the innocent. A moment of silence.

Jesus hopes to brighten the mood soon…..maybe a visit to the fake David to lift his mood amongst other things.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak 

 

 

 

Firenzi’s Ferragamo

Dear Jesus Lover,

Firenzi is famous for the Renaissance but it is also famous for footwear. Jesus could not give up an opportunity to view the works of another of his talented Italian children, Ferragamo, who fit some famous smelly feet!

 

Finding a shoe that may fit. Heels or no heels?

The Ferragamo museum was most insightful on the current shoes being produced by this fashion house. Clearly what is old is new again ….

…or maybe just sheer lack of genius

Viewing the shoes were not enough, The Messiah had to go to the original store and perform some conspicious consumption.

“Open sesame!!” Tax refund = 10 % discount!

Yet another great Florentine! Fendi!

He finished his night off at this cute Florentine tratorria.

 Lust and gluttony, cute waiters and I want them all!

The Little Messiah retired with a full belly and *hic happy with the view.

 

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

 

Pinacoteca for me…

Dear Jesus Lover,

continuing on from the theme of soaking in the culture yesterday, Jesus is off to the Pinacoteca di Brera . A lovely art gallery that used to be an old convent. He knew that there was always better uses to convents than storing nuns.

Parking his bicycle.

Like all things Milanese, plain on the outside, fabulous on the inside! Follow the arrows!

Nothing new. Walking the convent corridors and  looking down on his children.

Although The Messiah again was not allowed to photographs his doings on the inside, no trip to a museum is complete without a visit to the gift shop.

Frivolous spending at the gift shop.

Jesus got postcards of his favourite paintings from the gallery. On the right another Last Supper by Rubens. Not quite as good as Da Vinci’s. No knot, no ripple effect and they may have broke the bread too early. On the left The Kiss by Francesco Hayez shows 2 lovers kissing with a shadow lurking on the left. Don’t you hate peeping Toms! Other works that took him down memory lane included the marriage of his mother and The Holy Conversation.

If you send an email with your name (real or one made with good fakery) and your mailing address  to god_blog@yahoo.co.uk the Little Messiah will send out one of these postcards to you. He loves buying useless crap for his children.

Afterwards he enjoyed a leisurely lunch at Obika. It may be a chain but it is no McDonalds!

This is how the last supper should have gone down.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Checked In.

Dear Jesus Lover,

upon reaching the train station, The Lord decided that he has had enough of rubbing shoulders with the common folk and took a taxi to his accommodation.

He chose a place close to work. The Milan cathedral is the forth largest cathedral in the world and he foresees repeat visits may in in order.

Living La Vida Moda!

“This robe is much better than the rags I have on, its even in my colour.”

Bidets are essential. Washing is policy. Not negotiable!

Just a humble breakfast tray.  Who said gluttony was a sin?

Today Jesus will be recovering from his jet lag and will be hitting the streets of Milano tomorrow, in the meantime he will be practicing his much needed SFA and enjoying an apertivito at the bar.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

A Night In At The Westin

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord awoke to ringing. He didn’t quite understand, was it from all the boozing the night before….Oh wait, what is this? The phone was ringing. It was an old friend from his travels!

She was in town, unlike his previous shenanigans, she preferred to have a low-key catch-up instead and discuss His recent adventures. He headed off to Sydney’s Westin for some luxury. Sometimes the common quarters can be abit of a bore.

He tested out the king-sized bed, yep passed

“Will I get a stiff……back?”

Some room service on the company! “$50 for a t-bone, oh well…I’ll take it, I love a good piece of meat.”

Time to get clean… it’s policy!

 Dont forget to soak and scrub in-between the toes, even the camel one.

Fluffy miniature towels – check! Look at my shiny crown!

Blessing the already valueable valuables

Post-prandial!

No night is complete with a little mommy-child role play, read me My Story!

Infantilism* at play.

Happy ending?

Don’t you love it when old friends visit? Maybe it’s time for The Messiah to visit some of his old friends.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

* Infantilism:  characterized by the seemingly uncontrollable desire to wear diapers, due to reasons other than medical necessity, and/or be treated as an infant or toddler. Within the community of such diaper wearers, one who engages only in the erotic or sexual aspect of diaper wearing without experiencing any accompanying regression fantasies is known as a diaper lover (or DL). An adult who only engages in the infantilistic play aspect is known as an adult baby (or AB). An adult who may experience both of these things is referred to as an AB/DL.

For further academic development in this area please consult the genius that is Wikipedia at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilic_infantilism

**Sarong Party Girl: describes a local, solely Asian woman (e.g., a Chinese or Malay girl) who usually dresses and behaves in a provocative manner, and who exclusively dates and prefers white men.

Further academic development in this area is available at: http://www.streetdirectory.com/travel_guide/singapore/expat_guide/543/sarong_party_girl.php