Arrivederci Amalfi, Ti Amo!

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord is spending his last day on the Amalfi Coast. He is spending today, tying up loose ends and finishing his trip on a high. After some much needed rays and SFA (sweet fuck all) at the pebbled beach, he tottles off to the Cathedral of Amalfi.

No mountain too high, no hill to steep!

“Come follow me” – words that St. Andrew followed, look what he got for it.

…A pretty crypt on one of the best coast in the world (location, location, location). It pays to be a fisherman and follow strangers! Jesus will be heading back home after a long trip living la dolce vita and is glad to know that his houses are still raking in the dollars. He shared his life with you, the least you could do is share some dollars with him. Bible sales up!

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak 

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Viewing The Patheon Without My Pantalons!

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord’s time in Rome is coming to a close. He has another 2 icons to visit – The Patheon and The Colosseum.  Today, he picks the Patheon, one of ancient Rome’s most well preserved buildings. Well preserved, just like The Messiah.

Time to visit royalty and the artistic, unlike me they cannot resurrect!

Asian tourist – cheapies who visit the “free entry” sites.

After a quick wave to Rapheal’s grave, The Messiah hit the streets of Rome for a quick check on one of his lesser known house.

No one there – he will smite those who pissed on the steps and left Him an empty bottle!

Spanish steps in Italy?

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Sweet Sistine Part Due

Dear Jesus Lover,

the Little Messiah was making his way through the hallways – it reminded him of his days in the mosh pits, minus the smell of green but the body odours have not changed much.

family fresco!

 Me, mommy and god!

Sistine Chapel: No photos allowed – probably due to the copyright image laws imposed by those Japs.

Good fakery – surprised no stamp saying made in china.

Always neatly trimmed hedges.

One for the mantle.

An “I AM JESUS, BOW BEFORE ME” moment.

Good work Benedict XVI.

The visit made the Messiah feel at ease. Benedict was doing his best, raking in the dollars with audio guides and unnecessary merchandise. Only tip: more controversy to keep the church current! Somehow he feels those catholic priest have this area well and truly covered.

Now, to enjoy the rest of his holiday!

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Cos I’m Tripping…

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord has decided to take a day out of the Milanese city and visit Lake Como. Where most of the Italians escape too during the summer to turn themselves into dark brown leathery bags.

No frills here, slumming it out with the common man on Trenitalia!

Crusing Como, sipping an espresso macchiato!

One small step for man, one giant step for Jesus Christ!

Spot check on this house in Bellagio – empty!!

The Lord understands that on a fine weathered day, worship may take the back seat. Just an obligatory visit to allow the tax deduction.

Joining the wall of fame, clearly their disguises did not allow them to go incognito!

“I spy with my little eye….topless sunbathers!”

Last stop – yet another Duomo, double tax deduction.

Had to make a pit stop at the cathedral dedicated to the Assumption of his mama Mary and the seat for the Bishop of Como.

No fingertips were burnt during the acquisition of this picture.

Alas dear Jesus Lover, The Messiah must bid arriverdeci to Lombardy and all its pleasures it had to offer. Next stop Firenzi where the streets are museum-like and smell like urinals. Bless the juxtapositions.

Rock On,

Wheeze & Squeak

“One of your will betray me!”

Dear Jesus Lover,

today The Lord is headed  to the Santa Maria Delle Grazie where he will reminisce about the old days.

On time for my appointment!

In order to prevent further deterioration of the mural, no photography is allow! No exceptions. Even if the star of the shot is not the painting. Good thing Jesus has spread his word about good fakery!

“Da Vinci, my favourite child!”

Jesus is very fond of Da Vinci. A twisted mind that from years beyond his grave still manages to conjure up controversy that keep the church current! Is that John or Magdeline? Jesus and Judas – body double?

Dear Jesus Lover, can you spot Da Vinci’s knot?

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Église Saint-Sulpice

Dear Jesus Lover,

the Lord was suitably impressed with yesterday’s visit to the oldest church in Paris.  Today He has decided to see if all the publicity from Angels and Demons has made any difference to Église Saint-Sulpice.  They were under strict orders to sell as many candles to the terrified as possible and he wants to see if they have met the quota.

Candles!  That’s €2 burning right there!

Love how they even have a photo of Joseph (that’s Pope Benedict XVI to you).

Checking out the confession facilities.  10 Hail Marys and last night’s visit to that establishment is forgiven.

He found the root of the problem.  It was clear early Catholic priests favoured boys too much, so much so they carved it into marble and passed that love on.  He studied the composition, the pervy gaze, baby on lap and pulling up other child’s skirt.  He lit a candle for their innocence and vowed to review the priest syllabus – perhaps more emphasis on discretion and bribery.

A must before He left!

Now with business all taken care of His Holiness can truly enjoy the sights, sounds, food and people of Paris!

Rock Sur,

Wheeze & SQueak 

Eglise St-Germain-des-Prés, Paris

Dear Jesus Lover,

since His Holiness is billing the Vatican for His expenses He chose to get the business part of the trip done and over with.  He spent the day in Paris’ oldest church, Paroissee Saint-Germain-des-Prés.

His flock has to be reminded of His high tolerance for pain.  Loved the dramatic set up.

Equal opportunities for all. Both sexes can love Him and He loves both sexes.  It’s a two-way street.

He loves animals too.

 He loved the violence.  Nothing better than a prepubescent priest wielding a cross stomping on a severed head on the Lord’s book to send the right message.  He will smite you wet blankets!!! Also give generously.

The Lord is off to visit Saint Sulpice tomorrow and  see what all the movie hype was about.

Rock sur,

Wheeze & SQueak