Life Lesson No.3: How to Be Faketastic!

Dear Jesus Lover,

the Lord understands sometimes you must pretend/put on a show/deceive/bullshit for personal gain.  Life is such and He is sympathetic to the trials of life.  But he insist that if you pretend/put on a show/deceive/bullshit for personal gain, you do it with flair, enthusiasm and even better if it’s for a good cause!

This Elvis impersonator is obviously missing the gaudy get up and a lot of hair.  This is poor Elvis fakery.  His Holiness was disappointed as he thought the memory and the music of the royalty of rock and roll deserved better.


He found this gem!  He gave generously by text to save tiger cubs in the wild.

He hopes you have been inspired to take your performances of fakery to greater heights, be it fund-raising, talking your way out of law enforcement’s expensive evil grasp or the weekly blowjobligation.  If you are faking it – be faketastic!

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak

The Intervention

Dear Jesus Lover,

His Holiness received a phone call from one of his close friends today.  A Spaniard he met during the formation of the inquisition.

“Ola! Jesus se nos reunimos en el parque esta tarde?” *

Jesus yelled “Si” and headed down to the park early so he could frolic in the glorious afternoon sun.  He also never passes up an opportunity to meet a pretty boy.

Jesus is attracted to GREEN pastures.

His Holiness then headed to the playground to romp around and connected with his inner child.

Even Jesus loves a downward slide.

He then met his Spanish friend.  The Messiah offered a game of tag but his Spanish friend wanted to go on the swings instead.

They then sat down and Jesus was like “WHAT THE?”

“Querido Jesús, yo estoy preocupado por su estilo de vida hedonista.  ¿Por qué estás en Kings Cross.  ¿Quiénes son estos bombero y quees el menor con la pandereta.  Usted no puede comportarse así.Puedo estar de pie y ver que usted bebe mageritas, han tequila ycomer helado.  Sin embargo, su promiscuidad no puedo tolerar.  Tu cuerpo es un templo.  Si no te portas bien te golpeó.  Por favor!” **

(short translation – WTF is going on with you?)        

Jesus hung in shame and replied ” Estimado amigo español, voy a prestar atención a sus consejos.Entiendo que no es fácil decir palabras duras a un buen amigo.  Mañana voy a ver al médico para evaluar la sien.  Gracias.  Aúnmirada joven.  Debe ser todas esas visitas gimnasio.  Tenga cuidado de mi querido amigo, hasta que nos volvamos a encontrar. Eres mi ángel” ***


They parted with a friendly cuddle.  The Messiah realised that it is not so lonely at the top after all.

 Rock On,
Wheeze & SQueak
* Hello Jesus, would you like to meet in the park this afternoon.
** Dear Jesus, I am concerned about your hedonistic lifestyle. Why are you in Kings Cross?
Who are these fireman and who is the minor with the tambourine?!  You cannot behave like this.  I can stand by and watch you drink mageritas, have tequila shots and eat gelato.  But your promiscuity I cannot tolerate.  Your body is a temple.  If you do not behave I will hit you.  Please!!
*** Dear Spanish friend, I will heed your advice.  I understand it is not easy to say harsh words to a good friend.  Tomorrow I shall see the doctor to assess my temple.  Thank you.  You still look young.  Must be all those gym visits.  Take care my dear friend, until we meet again.  You are my angel.

Stairway to Heaven

Dear Jesus Lover,

Monday is upon us again.  He is dragging his feet all the way to the Office.  Sometimes even the Boss has to look like He is mucking in with the rest.  But He draws the line at photocopying for that is a task for His secretarial bitches.

He embraces technology on the commute to work.  No rush hour traffic.  Ever.

Jesus and his administrative army of white fluff.  The team behind all your answered and unanswered prayers.

Work hard, delegate wherever possible, never accept blame, do overtime so you may be paid to go on Facebook after hours and enthusiastically lick superior ass so one day you too might have your own office and an army of administrative bitches.

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak