Melbourne Swag

Dear Jesus Lover,

we have saved the best of Melbourne for last.  The trendiness of the city makes it impossible to have just one absolute favourite place to spend His Vatican bonds.  Who better than the masters at Harry Wragg to show the good Lord how to mix vintage and new.  It also helps that they really do have the best A-grade shit in town!

Mim shared with His Holiness the delights of one of a kind shoe designs.

The Lord even managed to sneak a little fun in the changing rooms!  It was a case of “What happens in Melbourne, stays in Melbourne” for this Brit tourist!

Group photo with His churchmice and the newly acquired fashion investments.  Armed with these acquisitions, the trendy generation will have no choice but to take notice of the Saviour, even if it’s the outfit and not the preaching.  As the marketing gurus say, “Any attention is good attention!”.

The Lord was spent after that fashion flurry at Harry Wragg.  He learned a few lessons on how to up His swag.  This called for a trip to Koko Black!

It was just what the doctor ordered….

Since He had His fill of milk chocolate, He had the tart and got some dark chocolate for later.

 The Lord is pleased with His flock in Melbourne, they have excelled at the most important aspects of life; food, fashion and opulent surroundings.  He will be back with more Vatican bonds to check that they have made further progress.

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak

Get some swag at Harry Wragg.

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All Sorts of Indulgence in Melbourne!

Dear Jesus Lover,

The good Lord let Wheeze and Squeak have the full day exploring and burning a hole in their little pockets on Brunswick Street.  It doesn’t get trendier or sweatier than shopping there in 40 degree heat!  Freshening up was imperative before their dinner reservations at Spanish hot spot MOVIDA!

He waged another crusade on body odour and WON!

The floor to ceiling mirrrors were good for ensuring His hair was perfectly coiffed.

The Lord raided the mini bar for pre-dinner drinks.  It’s always good to get a head start!

He took pity on his flock and absolved the patrons of Movida of their sins, mainly gluttony.  It wasn’t their fault that the tapas was positively sinful!

Where else but the Crown Hotel and Casino to end a fabulous day!

He managed to supervise the hired minions taking down His birthday decorations.  Always micro-managing.

Even the lighting was big and fabulous!

The perfect way to end the day with in-your-face glitz, over-priced highstreet clothing and games of chance!  We love you Melbourne!

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak

Victorian Opulence

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lords took His chruchmice to the trendy city of Melbourne, much like a school trip but they flew Virgin Blue instead of taking the bus.  If there is only one thing He could take from His extensive travels it is; location, location, location.  They checked into the Grand Hyatt, a 5 star luxury hotel smack bang in the middle of Collins Street.  He loves the perks of having a flock which is afraid of being judged by their neighbours when the collection box gets passed round.

 Only a high floor would do, obviously – look at the view!

It reminded Him of one of Pitbull’s top 40 hits…

 ♫ Baby you can get it, if you with it we can play    

Baby I got cribs, I got condos we can stay    

Even got a king size mattress we can lay    

Baby I don’t care, I don’t care what they say    

I know you want me, want me    

 You know I want cha, want cha

But the sound of Wheeze and Squeak’s incessant chattering brought Him back to reality.

Where the Holiday Inn doesn’t provide L-shaped sofas, essential in the practice of proper lounging…

As with most things, BIGGER is BETTER!  His Holiness also appreciated the sleek, black design.  Silver TVs aren’t nearly as classy.

 

The Lord loves how in trying to provide everything, the hotel grouped all unnecessary items on the nightstand.

And all the necessary items together.

Look out Melbourne!!!

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak 

Slinking Through Sydney….

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord is apologetic about the slight hiatus in posting.  He has been tied up doing the obligatory tourist thing with SQueak when Wheeze came for a visit.  It’s a good thing His churchmice know the importance of Him having a good time!

He decided the best place to start was close to home, hitting the tourist spots along Darling Harbour.  So off they went to WILD LIFE!

He used this opportunity to visit some of his creations and show His love doesn’t discriminate.  He loves all creatures, big, small and even ugly.

 

And stupid.  Like the Emus.

And lazy.  Like Koalas whose species have single-handedly elevated the phrase ‘Eat, Sleep and Shit’ to greater heights.

He was economical and purchased the Combo Pass so they could go to the Sydney Aquarium too.

He was not impressed with the lighting which didn’t highlight His favourite features.

 Some of the exhibits reminded him of the Amalfi coast.  But it was obviously no substitute and lacking His shrivelled, leathery, overcooked followers.

 He was pleased to bump into Ariel of ‘The Little Mermaid’ fame  (he’d seen pictures of her in the tabloids recently and sadly it looked like she had let herself go).  She had obviously had some work done.  Same-same but different texture.   His Holiness also commented on how women have become more plastic in the last 2000 years.

He also took a snap with his old fabled pal M. Dick!

His Holiness also noticed society’s renewed fascination with sex and how much importance is placed on size.  He had a little giggle since He did not make every equal!  The Lord hopes that this joke will long continue and has left it in the very capable hands of authors, editors and publishers of children’s  books to continue drilling it into the next generation!

He decided he had enough with the tourist in Sydney and thought His churchmice deserved a treat – TRENDY MELBOURNE!

Rock on!

Wheeze & SQueak

Arrivederci Amalfi, Ti Amo!

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord is spending his last day on the Amalfi Coast. He is spending today, tying up loose ends and finishing his trip on a high. After some much needed rays and SFA (sweet fuck all) at the pebbled beach, he tottles off to the Cathedral of Amalfi.

No mountain too high, no hill to steep!

“Come follow me” – words that St. Andrew followed, look what he got for it.

…A pretty crypt on one of the best coast in the world (location, location, location). It pays to be a fisherman and follow strangers! Jesus will be heading back home after a long trip living la dolce vita and is glad to know that his houses are still raking in the dollars. He shared his life with you, the least you could do is share some dollars with him. Bible sales up!

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak 

Cruising To Capri

Dear Jesus Lover,

today The Lord is day tripping over to the luxury resort littered island of Capri. The Vatican budget did not include stays in the place where Beyonce and Jay-Z hang in the summer.

Working on his eurotrash tan.

Not quite La Paolino but He was on a tight budget and strict instructions to rub shoulders with the common middle class.

Another standard tourist shot at Faraglione.

Keeping with the budget theme – even for transportation.

On his last day, The Messiah will wind up his trip and tying up some loose ends.  He cannot wait to head home , he misses Wheeze who stayed away from the hot weather (she melts easily).

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

 

 

 

Ravelling In Ravello

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord apologises for his slight blogging hiatus. There has been a tragedy in his church mice colony and Wheeze & Squeak were given time off to cope with this.

 

Jesus is continuing his SFA at the Amalfi Coast. Today, Claudio took him to Ravello. He will be visiting the musical stage and 2 of the main villas there.

 

“Children – listen to me preach!”

The Lord loves Ravello, a favourite haunt for similar legends of biblical proportions for example the late Greta Garbo, Tennesse Williams and Sara Teasdale. The Ravello Festival when the musical geniuses gather, started in remembrance of  Richard Wagner, the tickets attract a heafty sum annually. The let The Messiah take stage despite being slightly tone deaf.

He then hopped skipped and jumped in Villa Rufolo and Villa Cimbrone where there horizon meets the sea.

Standard tourist shot – a must!

In the courtyard before walking on the Judas tree lined walkway. Trust Judas to want to steal the limelight!

The Lord really enjoyed his time in Ravello. He enjoys spending time with the musicians who love GREENERY as an inspiration for good music!

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak