Holy Hispanico!

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord was suffering a little Gertrude Street withdrawal from his recent Melbourne visit. Therefore, he decided to take a stroll down Surry Hills Crown Street to help cushion his come down.

The cafe culture was not as good but he came across this interesting individual:

Such an avid Jesus Lover!

 This smiley gentleman even let him tap dance on the old cash register. Another fine example of when old is gold!

“Child, you have it wrong, I am supposed to brand you.”

 Jesus marvelled at the giant rubber stamp they used to brand their paper bags. Sometimes manual labour just adds that extra touch. He looked around at the offerings of the store of fair trade sourced merchandise. Ahh..the array of crosses, sugar skulls and portraits of one of his finer children Frida Kahlo on offer.

He left with a small purchase..

“SQueak – get the bag!”

Next time you are in the mood for some sugar skulls or some insane accessories don’t forget to check out Holy Kitsch where you will get service with a smile. Jesus gives this store his blessing!!

Rock On!

Wheeze & Squeak

Holy Kitsch: http://www.holykitsch.com.au/pages/stores-trading-hours

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Melbourne Swag

Dear Jesus Lover,

we have saved the best of Melbourne for last.  The trendiness of the city makes it impossible to have just one absolute favourite place to spend His Vatican bonds.  Who better than the masters at Harry Wragg to show the good Lord how to mix vintage and new.  It also helps that they really do have the best A-grade shit in town!

Mim shared with His Holiness the delights of one of a kind shoe designs.

The Lord even managed to sneak a little fun in the changing rooms!  It was a case of “What happens in Melbourne, stays in Melbourne” for this Brit tourist!

Group photo with His churchmice and the newly acquired fashion investments.  Armed with these acquisitions, the trendy generation will have no choice but to take notice of the Saviour, even if it’s the outfit and not the preaching.  As the marketing gurus say, “Any attention is good attention!”.

The Lord was spent after that fashion flurry at Harry Wragg.  He learned a few lessons on how to up His swag.  This called for a trip to Koko Black!

It was just what the doctor ordered….

Since He had His fill of milk chocolate, He had the tart and got some dark chocolate for later.

 The Lord is pleased with His flock in Melbourne, they have excelled at the most important aspects of life; food, fashion and opulent surroundings.  He will be back with more Vatican bonds to check that they have made further progress.

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak

Get some swag at Harry Wragg.

Leaving The Past

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord has realised that he has spent a large proportion (he likes large proportions) of his time living in the past. Today he decides to shake it up, visiting an exhibit from Testino.

Have to admire a man who can get models to drop their clothes in a second and get into every position you ask them.

Jesus’s suspicion was put to a rest – Kate Moss leaves a bush!

He is of biblical proportions – no one said he was large.

The Lord then decided to do some conspicuous consumption of leather goods. The italians sure provide good skin.  He finished off his day visiting Farnesina, keeping in with the contemporary theme.

Removing the need for his disciples to wash his feet. Its a democracy.

Rock On, 

Wheeze & SQueak

Firenzi’s Ferragamo

Dear Jesus Lover,

Firenzi is famous for the Renaissance but it is also famous for footwear. Jesus could not give up an opportunity to view the works of another of his talented Italian children, Ferragamo, who fit some famous smelly feet!

 

Finding a shoe that may fit. Heels or no heels?

The Ferragamo museum was most insightful on the current shoes being produced by this fashion house. Clearly what is old is new again ….

…or maybe just sheer lack of genius

Viewing the shoes were not enough, The Messiah had to go to the original store and perform some conspicious consumption.

“Open sesame!!” Tax refund = 10 % discount!

Yet another great Florentine! Fendi!

He finished his night off at this cute Florentine tratorria.

 Lust and gluttony, cute waiters and I want them all!

The Little Messiah retired with a full belly and *hic happy with the view.

 

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

 

Crushing Some Balls!

Dear Jesus Lover,

with some of the most iconic Milanese sights under his belt The Lord felt that it was about time he hit the shops. After all, the Milanese are renowned for their style.

A little morning cappuccino and brioche to start the day at an overpriced cafe!

“Per favoure, due cappuccino”

 First stop, Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II. Where the flagship Prada resides.  He knows that the Parisians are still his best children, even this octagonal shaped building made of cast iron got its inspiration from the Eiffel Tower.

It is not just the devil who wears Prada.

The Lord made his descent into the basement of Prada decadence!

Stomping on bull’s balls three times for good luck.

The Milanese must not like the Turin. Any excuse to defile their emblem!

He then headed to the Golden Triangle, overflowing with luxury, wannabes and models.

Next stop, Sergio Rossi!

Last stop on The Messiah’s itinerary – Teatro alla Scala. The best Opera theatre in the world. One of the only ones built out of timbre for the best acoustics!

No performances during off season – everyone needs maintenance.

Tested out the acoustics from his box seat. He will not be quitting his day job as The Saviour.

Conspicuous consumption!

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Spend! Spend! Spend!!!

Dear Jesus Lover,

the Lord has wined, dined, soaked up enough culture to last Him a good few lifetimes and smoked enough slim cigarettes to make the Marlboro man look so last decade.  Only one thing left for Him to do in this magical city – spend an obscene amount of cash (yes, CASH. Not cards because cash is truly king).  Where better to do this than the magical Avenue des Champs-Élysées, with its luxury speciality boutiques and the rows of pretty clipped horse chestnut trees?

 

 

Got a bit of traditional French leather love.  Even the ladybirds in France have good taste.

The Lord got paparazzi-ed when He posed for a snap with the famous Arc de Triomphe.  The celeb life can be so hard.

He is France personified.  Beautiful, androgynous, dressed in nothing but The Kooples, skinny and a slick slick waxed chest.  Jesus LOVES His Frenchies.

He had to stop to have some homemade gelato to cool Him down after His visit to The Kooples.  3 cones!  He gave them a good lick and decided it was too good to spit.  A definite swallow.

He’ll be back for He has fallen in love with His own masterpiece.  Au revoir Paris!

Rock Sur,

Wheeze & SQueak  

 

“Jesus Is The New Black” GaGa 2011

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Messiah is very grateful for the following He has received in recent times. However, He realises that he must stay current. It has been hard work for him getting in touch with the common man and showing you that catholic priest are not the only ones that can misbehave.

His Holiness decided to pay a visit to the local CD shop to see what were the latest offerings.

Browsing the racks (CDs and ladies) he realised that anything in the discount bin just does not satisfy.

Jesus then came across a certain individual – Lady GaGa. Turning overleaf, he got excited by such tracks like Judas, Electric Chapel, Bloody Mary and Black Jesus just to name a few.

This is exactly what the church needs – controversy to keep it current!

“Meet me later at electric chapel?”

Bloody Mary, never let me get with chicks like these!

Insert! Insert! Insert! Jesus is excited over insertion.

God’s choice – Government Hooker. Nothing like a bureaucrat to help you take the edge off. The experience is heightened if this bureaucrat can speak German. Imaging the tongue rolling involved.

Just like Jesus – say “NO” to piracy!

Rock On

Wheeze & SQueak