Embrace Technology!

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord loves an Apple. Therefore, He made it a forbidden fruit as He does not like sharing. Adam just couldn’t keep his grubby paws off!

It is with great pleasure that we announce that The Messiah will be off in the near future to visit his HQ. However, he would like to keep this visit low-key.

He has decided to go in disguise…whilst facetiming to get a second opinion. He knew Apples were not just good for eating.

Neighbourino – “nothing is ever too thick!”

Who would have though picking a look is so much work. I created looks!

“Measure me baby” – I’ve definitely overused this line before.

What next – custom made outfits?

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak


Holy Horticultural Society

Dear Jesus Lover,

His Holiness does not encourage too many trips to IKEA, consuming synthethic meatballs on a weekly basis does nothing for you.  Today His Holiness suggests that you unwind in your local garden.  You may have to share your garden with the local community.

His Holiness runs his with his own holy horticultural society – Adam, Eve and Michael.  He would have preferred to have the holy trinity of boys but Eve had a hissy.  God always plays nice, bears it and rocks on.

 Don’t stray from the path.

The Lord likes a neatly trimmed bush. No strays!

 Let there be light!

Who needs a solarium? I created the sun – Genius.

Jesus Lover continue to trim your bush, work on your tan and have a quick roll in the hay to take the edge off.

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak

Getting Groomed And Then Some..

Dear Jesus Lover,

you must remember to be well-groomed. It opens the door to many opportunities. The Messiah’s dishellved spiky bed-head look does not come easy.  God is no exception.  Jesus has to share the same wash basin as everyone else.

But he gets a full body suds bath.

Catching up on a little light reading.  2011 years has taken its toll – time for a little botox?

Making new friends with Melissa  (The Messiah starting to dabble in “dollification”?)

Jesus loves an “otter” apprentice.  Third year apprentices only – no rookies.


God has to pay – no exceptions!  He choose to go cash free.

Jesus is a big tipper.

As we have said dear Jesus Lovers, grooming opens many doors.

God’s choice:


They keep you coming back.

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak

Getting Tidy

Dear Jesus Lover,

even His Holiness is not imunne from the plague of nether region ringlets.  He is on a mission to eradicate because he has a “big” day coming tomorrow. 

Leaving a strip is for the faint hearted.


Time to meet new people and embark on new adventures.  Jilat*.


Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak


* = Google Translate.  Malay to English.  Any other search will lead you to poor quality Malay porn.