Arrivederci Amalfi, Ti Amo!

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord is spending his last day on the Amalfi Coast. He is spending today, tying up loose ends and finishing his trip on a high. After some much needed rays and SFA (sweet fuck all) at the pebbled beach, he tottles off to the Cathedral of Amalfi.

No mountain too high, no hill to steep!

“Come follow me” – words that St. Andrew followed, look what he got for it.

…A pretty crypt on one of the best coast in the world (location, location, location). It pays to be a fisherman and follow strangers! Jesus will be heading back home after a long trip living la dolce vita and is glad to know that his houses are still raking in the dollars. He shared his life with you, the least you could do is share some dollars with him. Bible sales up!

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak 

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Sweet Sistine Part Due

Dear Jesus Lover,

the Little Messiah was making his way through the hallways – it reminded him of his days in the mosh pits, minus the smell of green but the body odours have not changed much.

family fresco!

 Me, mommy and god!

Sistine Chapel: No photos allowed – probably due to the copyright image laws imposed by those Japs.

Good fakery – surprised no stamp saying made in china.

Always neatly trimmed hedges.

One for the mantle.

An “I AM JESUS, BOW BEFORE ME” moment.

Good work Benedict XVI.

The visit made the Messiah feel at ease. Benedict was doing his best, raking in the dollars with audio guides and unnecessary merchandise. Only tip: more controversy to keep the church current! Somehow he feels those catholic priest have this area well and truly covered.

Now, to enjoy the rest of his holiday!

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Sweet Sistine Part Una.

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Little Messiah tottled off to the Musei Vaticani.

 

He may have cut the queue with his pre-booked ticket. But nothing in life is free – even a visit to his homes cost him.

A light lunch followed by a wipe down with raspberry wipes. Keeping it clean.

He was glad to find a mini version so he could plan his journey.

“Child – forget the artwork, I am here”

He then made it to the packed corridors.

Sometimes your job is hard but you must power along, after all Michelangelo did put in more effort than this to decorate His house.

Stay tuned as Jesus meanders his way through the Vatican!

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Vatican.

Dear Jesus Lover,

the time has come in The Lord’s Italian escapade to put his head down and his bum up. All in the name of work of course! He is visiting the little city in a city dedicated to his worship, The Vatican.

“Long walks are my speciality”

Just a quick stop to refuel at St. Peters square.  Must tell them to clean off the moss.

He then enters St. Peters Basilica incognito. Jesus fits the strict dress code required to enter the basilica. Shoulders covered – check. Knees covered – what knees?. Appropriate neckline – check.

Michalengelo’s Pieta – mommy and me!

The least I could do for my apostle Peter – keep his seat warm!

Eucharist time – form an orderly queue and open wide!

He then gave Peters feet a quick rub for luck before he was hurried along by the men in black…

Addressing St Peters square – shame no one was listening. How can a cripple old Pope have more pull? Cue foot stamp!

The Messiah left St. Peters Basilica glad that this place was dedicated to his apostle Peter who was crucified upside down because he knew he was never going to be on the level playing field with him.

Next stop: Vatican Museum and the Sistine Chapel.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Pilgrimage To The Heroic Male Nude

Dear Jesus Lover,

today, The Lord will make his way along the river to visit Micheangelo’s David.

Fingerstach change, to avoid identification!

“Queueing is for commoners”

The Messiah made an quick entry into the Galleria dell’ Accademia and made a beeline for his uncircumcised friend.

David was allowed to hog the limelight.

Dear Jesus Lover, this brings up another important life lesson. Never judge a book by its hand and feet, clearly in this case it is disproportionate in a disappointing sense.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Eglise St-Germain-des-Prés, Paris

Dear Jesus Lover,

since His Holiness is billing the Vatican for His expenses He chose to get the business part of the trip done and over with.  He spent the day in Paris’ oldest church, Paroissee Saint-Germain-des-Prés.

His flock has to be reminded of His high tolerance for pain.  Loved the dramatic set up.

Equal opportunities for all. Both sexes can love Him and He loves both sexes.  It’s a two-way street.

He loves animals too.

 He loved the violence.  Nothing better than a prepubescent priest wielding a cross stomping on a severed head on the Lord’s book to send the right message.  He will smite you wet blankets!!! Also give generously.

The Lord is off to visit Saint Sulpice tomorrow and  see what all the movie hype was about.

Rock sur,

Wheeze & SQueak 

Go to Church!

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord decided to do a little spot check at one of the local historic churches.  He was pleased to see that its doors were open between services and the £2 he put into collection box made a healthy clank.

Loving the stained glass and high imposing ceilings.

The Messiah burned his finger in all the excitement. He loved the romantic feel.

Tested out the pews.

Checked out the reading material.  Up to date!

Family portrait.  The Messiah concluded He looks better in resin.

 He felt right at home with the mini display and thanked them for their efforts.

He faced up to his fear of nails.

He said 10 Hail Marys and absolved himself of sin.

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak