All Sorts of Indulgence in Melbourne!

Dear Jesus Lover,

The good Lord let Wheeze and Squeak have the full day exploring and burning a hole in their little pockets on Brunswick Street.  It doesn’t get trendier or sweatier than shopping there in 40 degree heat!  Freshening up was imperative before their dinner reservations at Spanish hot spot MOVIDA!

He waged another crusade on body odour and WON!

The floor to ceiling mirrrors were good for ensuring His hair was perfectly coiffed.

The Lord raided the mini bar for pre-dinner drinks.  It’s always good to get a head start!

He took pity on his flock and absolved the patrons of Movida of their sins, mainly gluttony.  It wasn’t their fault that the tapas was positively sinful!

Where else but the Crown Hotel and Casino to end a fabulous day!

He managed to supervise the hired minions taking down His birthday decorations.  Always micro-managing.

Even the lighting was big and fabulous!

The perfect way to end the day with in-your-face glitz, over-priced highstreet clothing and games of chance!  We love you Melbourne!

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak

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Victorian Opulence

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lords took His chruchmice to the trendy city of Melbourne, much like a school trip but they flew Virgin Blue instead of taking the bus.  If there is only one thing He could take from His extensive travels it is; location, location, location.  They checked into the Grand Hyatt, a 5 star luxury hotel smack bang in the middle of Collins Street.  He loves the perks of having a flock which is afraid of being judged by their neighbours when the collection box gets passed round.

 Only a high floor would do, obviously – look at the view!

It reminded Him of one of Pitbull’s top 40 hits…

 ♫ Baby you can get it, if you with it we can play    

Baby I got cribs, I got condos we can stay    

Even got a king size mattress we can lay    

Baby I don’t care, I don’t care what they say    

I know you want me, want me    

 You know I want cha, want cha

But the sound of Wheeze and Squeak’s incessant chattering brought Him back to reality.

Where the Holiday Inn doesn’t provide L-shaped sofas, essential in the practice of proper lounging…

As with most things, BIGGER is BETTER!  His Holiness also appreciated the sleek, black design.  Silver TVs aren’t nearly as classy.

 

The Lord loves how in trying to provide everything, the hotel grouped all unnecessary items on the nightstand.

And all the necessary items together.

Look out Melbourne!!!

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak 

Bitches…I’m Back!!

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Messiah has decided to make his comeback by hitting the town. Starting the night off with good food and bubble tea COCK-tails are just what he needs. Off to the seedy part of town he heads…..

He arrives at Ms G’s….

Strikes a Saturday Night Fever Pose… Staying aliveeeeee!!!!

Checking out what is on offer…variety is the spice of life!

After sucking on his cocktail, some straw dancing was in order

Even Jesus knows Asians are a superior species, they can do mental math.  Shame about the lack of driving skills.

No night is complete without rubbing shoulders with celeb chefs, George Calombaris and the ever-so-famous Curtis Stone.

 Curtis was happy to see the Messiah.  Like all lessons before – good fakery is important George.

He finished off his meal with dessert and tea…

The Lord then decided that he will pay a visit to the house with the large neon numbers.

Until next time dear Jesus Lovers…

Rock On (The Messiah did long after the cocktails were finished),

Wheeze & SQueak

Still Rocking it Hard! (2)

Dear Jesus Lover,

the Lord loves the Hard Rock hospitality so much he celebrates His children and embraces His feminine side with a perfectly mixed glass of liquid joy.

He loves the extra large glasses.  They know their Messiah likes it BIG.

He was very merry thanks to effective glass sizes and stood on the tables to pose for photos.  Had to show everyone that He is the ultimate Superstar!

Post liquid lunch He supported the franchise by purchasing a commemorative cap.  It might not be His prefered style but He had to show some love.

He paid tribute to the other King.  King of rock and roll!

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak  

Hard Rock Cafe (1)

Dear Jesus Lover,

the Messiah thought he’d grab an iconic bite before hitting the beach again.  What better place than the Hard Rock Cafe?

The iconic at iconic places.

The Lord was very pleased with the warm and enthusiastic welcome.

It was better than Hooters and their “see no touch” policy.  He liked how the staff here worked up his appetite.

He chose to go with the latest fad diet.  A liquid lunch.  Less calories than a double burger and He walks (read: stumbles) out happier!

The perfect starter… Maybe a Margarita for the main?  He is fond of them Mexicans.

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak 

Rescuing The Messiah

Dear Jesus Lover,

we met at the rendezvous point – a popular Mexican restaurant.  We were happy to find the Messiah in good health with all fingers and toes intact!  We were surprised to find the kidnappers sitting at the bar with the Messiah.  They said they had kidnapped Him because they thought He was a down and out actor hopeful taking the piss out of the Lord as a lookalike.  They crap their pants when they realised they tied up the real deal and were extremely apologetic.  They used the profits from the week’s drug takings to buy the Lord dinner and drinks!

Mexicans are really Jesus Lovers.

Nothing beats a good enchilada with hot sauce.  20c daredevil!  The Lord is bringing the heat!

With the sugar skull at the bar.  The party’s just getting started!!!

What else but TEQUILA!!!  Shots for everybody!

His Holiness showed everyone how it’s done.  With gusto!

Then was table top dancing…  He shook what Mother Mary gave Him.

And a margarita bath!  Sweet Jesus!!

Who needs SFA when you’re celebrating with tequila!

It was a good night.  What we can remember of it.  We are pleased His Holiness is back!!

Roca sobre la,

Wheeze & SQueak

The Louvre

Dear Jesus Lover,

the Lord is all psyched up for the art at the Lourve!  There’s too much to cram into this resurrection, so He has done his best and purchased a 3 day pass.

The mandatory pyramid photo.  Yet another icon in Phallic Paris!

He cut the queue that stretched forever to get in.  Purchase your tickets online.  He has given you the gift of the Internet!

He was pleased to see many of His subjects soaking in the culture.

Like any experienced traveller, He got a map and planned is route of attack!  The main aim – to see the Mona Lisa!  He’s always been intrigued why Leo painted that smug bitch.

He grabbed a quick drink and was appalled by the lack of alcoholic beverages!!!  The French should stay true to themselves and sell some wine!  Art is best appreciated under the influence (you may read into that).

Tomorrow His Holiness admires the beauty of the sculptures and tries to answer the eternal question, “Why are their dicks so small???”

Rock sur,

Wheeze & SQueak