Strolling Florence

Dear Jesus Lover,

today Jesus will be on a light itinerary. Nothing too touristy just strolling the cobblestone streets. He enjoyed the bird’s eye view of the city

Yes, another Duomo to spoil the view.

Santa Maria Del Fiore. A world heritage site and perfect example of passing the buck.

Illuminati – not so secret society. Rather; an easy find.

Chomping on some gourmet panini.

Outside the panini shop, an olive tree, a reminder that the mafia still rules.

Remembering the fallen.

A memorial of when the mafia left a car bomb that killed the innocent. A moment of silence.

Jesus hopes to brighten the mood soon…..maybe a visit to the fake David to lift his mood amongst other things.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak 




Firenzi’s Ferragamo

Dear Jesus Lover,

Firenzi is famous for the Renaissance but it is also famous for footwear. Jesus could not give up an opportunity to view the works of another of his talented Italian children, Ferragamo, who fit some famous smelly feet!


Finding a shoe that may fit. Heels or no heels?

The Ferragamo museum was most insightful on the current shoes being produced by this fashion house. Clearly what is old is new again ….

…or maybe just sheer lack of genius

Viewing the shoes were not enough, The Messiah had to go to the original store and perform some conspicious consumption.

“Open sesame!!” Tax refund = 10 % discount!

Yet another great Florentine! Fendi!

He finished his night off at this cute Florentine tratorria.

 Lust and gluttony, cute waiters and I want them all!

The Little Messiah retired with a full belly and *hic happy with the view.


Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak


Pilgrimage To The Heroic Male Nude

Dear Jesus Lover,

today, The Lord will make his way along the river to visit Micheangelo’s David.

Fingerstach change, to avoid identification!

“Queueing is for commoners”

The Messiah made an quick entry into the Galleria dell’ Accademia and made a beeline for his uncircumcised friend.

David was allowed to hog the limelight.

Dear Jesus Lover, this brings up another important life lesson. Never judge a book by its hand and feet, clearly in this case it is disproportionate in a disappointing sense.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Firenze Light My Fire!

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord has landed in this Tuscan heaven. Firenze, the city that has it all. The birthplace of the Renaissance, feuding families, fashion and art!

River Arno or giant sewer?

Pampering! Children luxury is not a sin!

The Lord checked in to his charming accommodation. Italian toiletries and overindulgent buffet breakfasts daily are mandatory.

Once a city filled with cobblestone streets smeared with human excrement, Florence has come a long way. The Messiah looks forward to spending some time in this now beautiful city and checking out David’s anatomy. If Firenze itself cannot light his fire, David specifically will!

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak




Cos I’m Tripping…

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord has decided to take a day out of the Milanese city and visit Lake Como. Where most of the Italians escape too during the summer to turn themselves into dark brown leathery bags.

No frills here, slumming it out with the common man on Trenitalia!

Crusing Como, sipping an espresso macchiato!

One small step for man, one giant step for Jesus Christ!

Spot check on this house in Bellagio – empty!!

The Lord understands that on a fine weathered day, worship may take the back seat. Just an obligatory visit to allow the tax deduction.

Joining the wall of fame, clearly their disguises did not allow them to go incognito!

“I spy with my little eye….topless sunbathers!”

Last stop – yet another Duomo, double tax deduction.

Had to make a pit stop at the cathedral dedicated to the Assumption of his mama Mary and the seat for the Bishop of Como.

No fingertips were burnt during the acquisition of this picture.

Alas dear Jesus Lover, The Messiah must bid arriverdeci to Lombardy and all its pleasures it had to offer. Next stop Firenzi where the streets are museum-like and smell like urinals. Bless the juxtapositions.

Rock On,

Wheeze & Squeak

Crushing Some Balls!

Dear Jesus Lover,

with some of the most iconic Milanese sights under his belt The Lord felt that it was about time he hit the shops. After all, the Milanese are renowned for their style.

A little morning cappuccino and brioche to start the day at an overpriced cafe!

“Per favoure, due cappuccino”

 First stop, Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II. Where the flagship Prada resides.  He knows that the Parisians are still his best children, even this octagonal shaped building made of cast iron got its inspiration from the Eiffel Tower.

It is not just the devil who wears Prada.

The Lord made his descent into the basement of Prada decadence!

Stomping on bull’s balls three times for good luck.

The Milanese must not like the Turin. Any excuse to defile their emblem!

He then headed to the Golden Triangle, overflowing with luxury, wannabes and models.

Next stop, Sergio Rossi!

Last stop on The Messiah’s itinerary – Teatro alla Scala. The best Opera theatre in the world. One of the only ones built out of timbre for the best acoustics!

No performances during off season – everyone needs maintenance.

Tested out the acoustics from his box seat. He will not be quitting his day job as The Saviour.

Conspicuous consumption!

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Pinacoteca for me…

Dear Jesus Lover,

continuing on from the theme of soaking in the culture yesterday, Jesus is off to the Pinacoteca di Brera . A lovely art gallery that used to be an old convent. He knew that there was always better uses to convents than storing nuns.

Parking his bicycle.

Like all things Milanese, plain on the outside, fabulous on the inside! Follow the arrows!

Nothing new. Walking the convent corridors and  looking down on his children.

Although The Messiah again was not allowed to photographs his doings on the inside, no trip to a museum is complete without a visit to the gift shop.

Frivolous spending at the gift shop.

Jesus got postcards of his favourite paintings from the gallery. On the right another Last Supper by Rubens. Not quite as good as Da Vinci’s. No knot, no ripple effect and they may have broke the bread too early. On the left The Kiss by Francesco Hayez shows 2 lovers kissing with a shadow lurking on the left. Don’t you hate peeping Toms! Other works that took him down memory lane included the marriage of his mother and The Holy Conversation.

If you send an email with your name (real or one made with good fakery) and your mailing address  to the Little Messiah will send out one of these postcards to you. He loves buying useless crap for his children.

Afterwards he enjoyed a leisurely lunch at Obika. It may be a chain but it is no McDonalds!

This is how the last supper should have gone down.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

“One of your will betray me!”

Dear Jesus Lover,

today The Lord is headed  to the Santa Maria Delle Grazie where he will reminisce about the old days.

On time for my appointment!

In order to prevent further deterioration of the mural, no photography is allow! No exceptions. Even if the star of the shot is not the painting. Good thing Jesus has spread his word about good fakery!

“Da Vinci, my favourite child!”

Jesus is very fond of Da Vinci. A twisted mind that from years beyond his grave still manages to conjure up controversy that keep the church current! Is that John or Magdeline? Jesus and Judas – body double?

Dear Jesus Lover, can you spot Da Vinci’s knot?

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Parco, are you ready for me?

Dear Jesus Lover,

after a hard day at the office, facing nails, Jesus thought that it was a well deserved day off. He is headed to Parco Sempione.


First stop Castello Sforzesco!


Getting cultured – admiring Da Vinci’s ceiling painting. “Geeze I am talented for creating him. “

Admiring the green pasture and feeding the ducks! Its life’s simple things.

Playing a little hide and seek.

Height prevented shooting some hoops but He gladly bounced balls.

“Ok Squeak, can we go home now?”

When in Milan, you mustn’t pass up an opportunity to view the fresco of the last supper. How badly deteriorated is it now? The Lord will go and find out.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Size Is Everything.

Dear Jesus Lover,

today The Messiah comes face to face with his fear of nails which now a relic in the Milan Duomo. One of the 4 largest cathedrals in the world.

Gothic, gone wild!

Light my fire. BLOW my candle!

“Somethings are best laid to rest, I am not one of them.”

Also facing his fear of nails, especially the one that secured him firmly to the cross.

“I am your religious 7-eleven!”

Sorry about the skin and head Bartholomew. What happens in the The Caspian Sea, stays at The Caspian Sea.

Circumcision without margins.

You know the feeling when you just keep cutting in hope to make it better, sometimes things don’t go according to plan. Back alley doctors are well familiar with this feeling.

Jesus will be lightening the mood next time with a visit to a happier place at Parco Sempione with SQueak and their matchy matchy red hats.

Rock On,

Wheeze and SQueak