Dear Jesus Lover,

in line with His recent attempts to shape up, the Messiah is being very careful about what He eats.  Your body is a temple and it’s only right that you do not consume trash.  Too often.  Sushi was the obvious choice.  The cute smiling pussy lured him in!

That hypnotic wave…

He took a quick tour before deciding to order instead of picking the stuff on the belt because He has uncommon tastebuds.

Where’s the sea urchin roe?

Done!  Bill please!

Even the chef couldn’t resist a quick man-hug (hence the sheepish expression).  The Lord was happy to oblige a fan.

His Holiness loves the Japanese and their kawaii objects of enticement and their quick, small filling meals.  Sayonara!

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak  


Dear Jesus Lover,

the Lord’s schedule has been packed full of travel and decadence in the last few months.  He’s begun to see the side effects of the good life – lovehandles!  He decided its high time He shape up before His upcoming trip to the Far East (Hong Kong!!!).  The Messiah decided it was high time to update his fitness related wardrobe.  More Lycra would be good motivation!

Boinggg!!  He tested the display and decided that He might purchase one for His extra-curricular activities.

He didn’t understand why these didn’t come in different sizes.  Those “parts” were never standard issues.

The ladies section caught His eye and He got into a passionate discussion about which type of garment was better.  This?

Or this?

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak 

Soaking Up The Last of The Sun

Dear Jesus Lover,

today is the Lord’s last day in the Gold Coast.  He decided to squeeze in a little bit more tanning before He caught His flight home.  Only in the Gold Coast can you get a tan in winter!

GTL.  Never neglect Tan even if G and L are somewhat impossible.

He waited for His taxi in the lobby.  Killing two birds with one stone and catching the last bit of QL rays.

To the airport and pronto please!!!  I have a Virgin to catch!

 Although He understood that self-service was a necessary evil, the experience lacked the personal touch.

The Messiah will miss the cheerful people from the Gold Coast and the sunshine.

Rock on,

 Wheeze & SQueak

Science Week? Put Your Reading Glasses ON!

Dear Jesus Lover,

the Lord heard a rumour that lots of nerdy animal healers had converged in the Gold Coast for some sort of yearly academic tradition.  He decided to take a trip down to check out the nerdy animal healers and show them His support.

TAXI!!!!  He didn’t want to be late for the awards ceremony, the dinner and most importantly – the drinks!

40 years!  Toast?! TOAST!!

 He realised that most of these vets hide behind poorly made assumptions.  They are not nerdy!  The Lord enjoyed the night seeing the bottom of shot glasses…


Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak 

Pleasures of Black Masked Men

Dear Jesus Lover,

the Lord was leisurely strolling along the street hoping to bump into more meter maids and looking for a place to top up on His cigarettes when He spotted these outside the tobacconist!

He was intrigued.  They were sort of like Kenny off South Park but more well dressed.

It appeared they weren’t intrigued.  Just smitten.  They came in handy for a lift to the counter when He was asking for His Lucky Strikes.

 The Lord was appalled at the poor suture work but likes the idea of spares.

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak  

Still Rocking it Hard! (2)

Dear Jesus Lover,

the Lord loves the Hard Rock hospitality so much he celebrates His children and embraces His feminine side with a perfectly mixed glass of liquid joy.

He loves the extra large glasses.  They know their Messiah likes it BIG.

He was very merry thanks to effective glass sizes and stood on the tables to pose for photos.  Had to show everyone that He is the ultimate Superstar!

Post liquid lunch He supported the franchise by purchasing a commemorative cap.  It might not be His prefered style but He had to show some love.

He paid tribute to the other King.  King of rock and roll!

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak  

Hard Rock Cafe (1)

Dear Jesus Lover,

the Messiah thought he’d grab an iconic bite before hitting the beach again.  What better place than the Hard Rock Cafe?

The iconic at iconic places.

The Lord was very pleased with the warm and enthusiastic welcome.

It was better than Hooters and their “see no touch” policy.  He liked how the staff here worked up his appetite.

He chose to go with the latest fad diet.  A liquid lunch.  Less calories than a double burger and He walks (read: stumbles) out happier!

The perfect starter… Maybe a Margarita for the main?  He is fond of them Mexicans.

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak 

Shiny, Glittery Things!!

Dear Jesus Lover,

after The Lord enjoyed getting in deep at the beach He decided that He was sufficiently satisfied.  Now off to meet His laid-back children and spread His good work.

He dusted of the sand…

Unfortunately he was unable to get all the sand off, especially in those hard to reach places.

… and ran into these pretty, young do-gooders!!!

Meter maids*

He praised them for their good work.  These young ladies pound the pavements in their gold bikinis doing the good deed of topping up your parking meter.  All this in the name of SFA at the beach!

They parted with a ménage à trois smooch

This made The Lord feel warm and fuzzy.  Nothing like attractive do-gooders as it is meant to be.  His encounter with these lovely ladies has his trip made!  He walks around with a spring in his step and sand in-between his toes.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak


SFA Thursday?

Dear Jesus Lover,

sometimes you must NOT impose restrictions upon yourself.  The Messiah heeds this philosophy and heads down to Surfers Paradise.

Feels the wind in his hair and in between his toes

He is glad to know the lifeguards are on standby but he is not disrobing to jump into the sea today.  Holy water must remain a scarce commodity!

Lifeguards are like condoms, always at the ready.

The Lord got comfortable..

Better than latex mattresses with a good view.

He can let his hair down knowing there will be no parking fines.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak

Getting Sorted.

Dear Jesus Lover,

The Lord has made it safely to his modest quarters.  Despite the paper thin walls and drab carpets He is impressed by the aspect that the balcony provides.

Work on your GTL (gym, tan, laundry) – the Holy Trinity of life.  Maybe just T if you are on holiday.  No one likes a pasty shag.

Catching up on some light reading, wonder what the royals are up to this week?

He then heads to the local tourist information centre.

Too many choices.

He was annoyed that there was a serious lack of service.  Since there was no one to help provide him with any vital tourist information he decides that this will be a holiday based soley on SFA and meeting his children.  Priorities people, priorities.

Rock On,

Wheeze & SQueak