Where’s Jesus?!

Dear Jesus Lover,

we have not had word from His Holiness or the Mexicans yet.  If you have seen Jesus or know of His whereabouts please contact us.

 

Wheeze & SQueak

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Mexican Cartel Takes Jesus

Dear Jesus Lover,

His Holiness decided to take a stroll in the park this morning to take in the sights of home again and smell the smoke-free air.

He was sitting on the bench humming Amazing Grace to Himself when He felt a tap on His shoulder and hard object being pressed into His side.

Initially He felt excited about this unique pick up line.  Then He realised their intentions were not honourable!

They’ve taken Jesus!!!

We are beside ourselves with worry!!!

Wheeze & SQueak

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Dear Jesus Lover,

there can only be one person in Heaven and on Earth who can say that and not come across as a retard, Mary Poppins!  The Lord could not miss out this opportunity to support His nanny in her venture into theater!

He misses the days when she did the laundry.  The Holy Ghost can’t seem to get the linen properly white since she left.*

God the Father told Him, “There’s no making her do anything.  Not her.  She’s Mary Poppins.”  “But you’re God! You created everybody and everything.  They have to do what you say!”  “Not her,” said His Father once again, and he scratched His golden beard flecked with silver.  “I didn’t create her. She’s Mary Poppins”*

Rock on,

Wheeze and SQueak

*Inspired by ‘The Problem of Susan’ in the mind blowing genius collection of short fictions and wonders, Fragile Things by a genius of our time, Neil Gaiman. 

1000 Spanks!

Dear Jesus Lover,

His Holiness is more than suitably impressed!  Today marks more than 1,000 views since the Lord allowed His church mice to photograph and document His daily life.  In less than 2 months He has made it to Google and He has done Paris, this is only the begining!   He is humbled and thankful for your interest.  There is hope yet for His flock!

Gold star for you Jesus lovers!  Keep on spanking!

Rock on,

Wheeze and SQueak 

Cloud Watching

Dear Jesus Lover,

His Holiness is back to the land of the uninteresting.  The taste and smells of Paris still lingering on His linen robes.

 He misses His like minded children, who chain smoke and think that drinking wine with your breakfast is acceptable.  This is the worst comedown.  Ever.

He’s already planning a return visit.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  For now He will have to plan for His next adventure, Gold Coast, Australia.  He supports their tourism post floods.

Rock on,

Wheeze & SQueak

Spend! Spend! Spend!!!

Dear Jesus Lover,

the Lord has wined, dined, soaked up enough culture to last Him a good few lifetimes and smoked enough slim cigarettes to make the Marlboro man look so last decade.  Only one thing left for Him to do in this magical city – spend an obscene amount of cash (yes, CASH. Not cards because cash is truly king).  Where better to do this than the magical Avenue des Champs-Élysées, with its luxury speciality boutiques and the rows of pretty clipped horse chestnut trees?

 

 

Got a bit of traditional French leather love.  Even the ladybirds in France have good taste.

The Lord got paparazzi-ed when He posed for a snap with the famous Arc de Triomphe.  The celeb life can be so hard.

He is France personified.  Beautiful, androgynous, dressed in nothing but The Kooples, skinny and a slick slick waxed chest.  Jesus LOVES His Frenchies.

He had to stop to have some homemade gelato to cool Him down after His visit to The Kooples.  3 cones!  He gave them a good lick and decided it was too good to spit.  A definite swallow.

He’ll be back for He has fallen in love with His own masterpiece.  Au revoir Paris!

Rock Sur,

Wheeze & SQueak  

 

The Louvre – Part 3

Dear Jesus Lover,

a trip to the Louvre is not complete without viewing the Mona Lisa.

He was glad for the clear directions.  Anticipate needs!

He parted the sea of Chinese, Japanese, Korean and American tourists with ease to get the best spot in front.

He was most impressed with the painting of His chai walla.  They obviously left out the tattoo.

The scribes got it wrong!  There is a gay quarter in Heaven!  Perfectly depicted here.  2 levels of beauty in oils.  Lots of abs, easy access cloth and plenty of cuddling.

GTL.  This was clearly recognised in the early days.  Gym so you have a fit bod to pose naked, Tan – pasty is never in fashion, unless you’re a ginger in denial, Laundry – no one likes to see that He has been less than kind.  Keep small members under wraps.

Rock sur,

Wheeze & SQueak